Friday May 19th, I finally got to meet the perinatologist who will stay with me for the remainder of this pregnancy. It will be nice to have some consistency. I felt genuinely respected during our appointment and I think he will be a good fit for the rest of our journey.
We got some news, and as usual, it isn’t the best. First, there is almost no fluid, 3mm to be exact. This is less than the 2cm (which is also incredibly low) that I measured 2 weeks prior.
Second, the baby’s head measured a little smaller than before, by about 2 weeks. This could mean he’s not growing, the measurements are off due to not being able to see as clearly because of the low fluid, or my uterus is constricting him.
And the most alarming news is that his heartbeat was almost undetectable. That blinking light that brought so much hope and strength was only a flicker. A normal heart rate for a baby in utero is 120 to 160 beats per minute. After looking on two different machines, the doctor was able to determine our baby’s heart is beating at 100 bpm.
I was so thankful the doctor didn’t give up on the first machine. Even though the heartbeat is slow there is a chance my position was causing him to pinch the cord momentarily. We have an appointment next week to follow up.
Still, I was told that baby is likely passing. This was hard to take but I kept my composure. We discussed “birth” options and he was supportive of my choices. We also discussed care options starting at 24 weeks if baby holds on.
I wasn’t until about an hour after getting home, when my husband took the kids swimming and I was alone with my sweet unborn baby, that I really lost it.
I shared my heart with him, words too soon to repeat. But he knows. I pray God’s best for him and I’m making peace with whatever that may be.